Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
