You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have fence marks all over my body
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
