You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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