What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
