Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need a beard to bite.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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