first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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