just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
