How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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