I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
