Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
