I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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