One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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