I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
