Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
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