your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
