Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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