i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
