Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
