So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
