I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
