Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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