apparently the secret to your success is patron
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
