His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
