I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
