kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
