so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
