you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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