Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
