I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
