thus making me awesome and them whores
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
