No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
