remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
