I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
