Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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