apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
