Your mouth is God's brothel.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
