I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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