Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
