ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
