i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
