I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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