Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
