The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
