well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
