were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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