he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
