He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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