I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
