i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
