Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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