just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
