Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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