i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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