sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I want to fling myself into the sun
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
