I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
